11.9
So as the nurse said..."techinically" I'm pregnant but it's more than likely either an eptopic or on it's way out. I have to go back in on Monday to see where things are.
I feel like this is a really hard place to be...the results aren't looking good at all for this to be a viable pregnancy but neither do I have closure to put this cycle behind me and move on. The fact that on Wednesday I thought I had no chance and starting the mourning process really helps - I already thought this was a lost cause.
However, I am trying to look at the positive side of all of this that I obviously made it farther than I thought I did...maybe my body wasn't "quite" ready for this pregnancy but in another month or two it will be all set!
I did make W stop on the way home tonight to buy more pregnancy tests so I can analyze lines or lack thereof all weekend...I really think reading pregnancy tests should be an Olympic sport :)
Friday, February 26, 2010
Rollercoaster
I am waiting...waiting for the phone to ring...waiting to find out what twist and turn is going to happen next.
Wednesday was a rough day. I took the test, it was negative, and we began the mourning process. Thursday I was better and was just ready for Friday's beta so I could go off the meds and take a break for a few weeks before we start thinking about doing a frozen transfer.
But...it's never that easy...
This morning I decided to POAS before I left for my beta. I instantly saw the control line and nothing else so I got dressed and then just before I threw it in the trash, I looked one more time and there was an EXTREMELY faint line. My husband, who has not spent the amount of time looking at these that I have, said there wasn't a line and that is was just showing where the line was supposed to be...but that just proves that there WAS a line.
Soooo...I went in for my test... told her about the different tests and said I had no idea if i was or wasn't. She stayed pretty neutral and said she would call at 3:00.
I had a friend of mine come over who has spent a LOT of time pouring over pregnancy tests and she said that I definitely have a trace of HCG in my system but agreed that it wasn't much. I can't feel good about a possible pregnancy because I don't feel like my number is high enough for anything to last. I just feel like this just might drag on for a few days longer just to end badly.
Well, it's 1:49...71 minutes to wait...at least I have all of your blogs to keep my busy while Jr. takes a nap...
Wednesday was a rough day. I took the test, it was negative, and we began the mourning process. Thursday I was better and was just ready for Friday's beta so I could go off the meds and take a break for a few weeks before we start thinking about doing a frozen transfer.
But...it's never that easy...
This morning I decided to POAS before I left for my beta. I instantly saw the control line and nothing else so I got dressed and then just before I threw it in the trash, I looked one more time and there was an EXTREMELY faint line. My husband, who has not spent the amount of time looking at these that I have, said there wasn't a line and that is was just showing where the line was supposed to be...but that just proves that there WAS a line.
Soooo...I went in for my test... told her about the different tests and said I had no idea if i was or wasn't. She stayed pretty neutral and said she would call at 3:00.
I had a friend of mine come over who has spent a LOT of time pouring over pregnancy tests and she said that I definitely have a trace of HCG in my system but agreed that it wasn't much. I can't feel good about a possible pregnancy because I don't feel like my number is high enough for anything to last. I just feel like this just might drag on for a few days longer just to end badly.
Well, it's 1:49...71 minutes to wait...at least I have all of your blogs to keep my busy while Jr. takes a nap...
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
The glass was half empty :(
Negative
I know I said I wasn't going to test until Thursday but I woke up this morning bleeding. I talked it over with W and we decided to go ahead and test so if it was positive I could call and see if I needed to increase my progesterone. The test was absolutely and completely negative. There were lots of tears...even from W who holds himself together very well. Luckily Jr. and i had a class this morning so that kept my mind off things for awhile but now it's nap time and I'm just sitting in my quiet house feeling sorry for myself.
So I will stay on my meds until Friday's Beta but I am currently enjoying a Diet Coke since as far as I'm concerned, it is over.
I know I said I wasn't going to test until Thursday but I woke up this morning bleeding. I talked it over with W and we decided to go ahead and test so if it was positive I could call and see if I needed to increase my progesterone. The test was absolutely and completely negative. There were lots of tears...even from W who holds himself together very well. Luckily Jr. and i had a class this morning so that kept my mind off things for awhile but now it's nap time and I'm just sitting in my quiet house feeling sorry for myself.
So I will stay on my meds until Friday's Beta but I am currently enjoying a Diet Coke since as far as I'm concerned, it is over.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
7dp 5dt
Waiting...waiting is horrible!! I told myself that the earliest I could POAS is Thursday (beta scheduled for Friday). I only let myself buy 2 so that's one for Thursday and one for Friday. However, I'm not really anxious to take one because at least now I can live in this dreamworld that I MIGHT be pregnant...once I take the test...I'm back to reality.
I thought I would be in this hopeful state...loving being "a little pregnant." But instead, I think all of the emotions that I ignored for the past few weeks while I was busy with appointments, shots, etc. are suddenly catching up to me.
Throughout the past year and a half I have handled the bad news pretty well, but now I'm worried, if this doesn't work...how will I react??
I thought I would be in this hopeful state...loving being "a little pregnant." But instead, I think all of the emotions that I ignored for the past few weeks while I was busy with appointments, shots, etc. are suddenly catching up to me.
Throughout the past year and a half I have handled the bad news pretty well, but now I'm worried, if this doesn't work...how will I react??
Friday, February 19, 2010
Retrieval and Transfer Take 3
I wish I knew what was wrong with my blog but I have written about my retrieval twice and my transfer once and it keeps disappearing so I got smart..I'm typing this in Word and am going to cut and paste...then if it disappears I can try again without retyping.
The bad thing in all of this is that the story gets shorter each time so you are now getting the abbreviated version...
Tuesday, Feb 9
Had an ultrasound and there were 16 follicles over 12!! 8 of them were over 18. The US tech was positive that they would have me trigger that day pending anything crazy in my bloodwork. The bad part of the day was the very painful blood draw. I have very small veins and the blood draws are very difficult for me. Luckily, I handle it pretty well and don't even mind all the bruises too much. Well Tuesday, they tried a different spot since all my normal ones were pretty bruised from all the recent draws. It bubbled up and after getting about half the amount they needed, they had to pull out the needle. I ended up with a huge bruise that lasted a week. Then when they switched to my other wrist, I suddenly got light headed and came close to passing out. That has never happened to me!! yah to the end of daily blood draws!!
The nurse called me a few hours later and gave me the go ahead to trigger at 5:30 and we were to report for retrieval at 6 on Thursday morning.
Thursday, Feb 11
We were up at 4 and headed to get our eggs!! We had about 45 minutes of instructions, blood pressure, etc and then I was headed back. The last thing I remember is them checking my ID band and when I woke back up I was back in our recovery room. When we got our number I was pretty disappointed that we only got 8. I know that 8 is a pretty good number and that a lot of people would love that number but what concerned me was that we went from 16 good follicles to only 8 eggs. I went home and slept most of the rest of the day. I wasn't too sore and really only felt anything if I started to overdo it, pick up JR. etc.
Friday, Feb 12
I was all ready to spend the day fretting about the fertilization report so I was THRILLED when I got the call at 8:30. Of the 8 eggs, 7 were mature enough to fertilize and all 7 were showing signs of growth. YAH!!! I felt so much better about things. They said they would call on Saturday about if we would transfer on Sunday or Tuesday.
Saturday, Feb 13
Got the call around noon that we are a DAY 5 transfer :)
Monday, Feb, 15
We spent HOURS going back and forth between putting in 1 or 2 embryos and if we would be willing to freeze if there was only 1 embryo to freeze. We went through every possible scenario and what we thought we would do but went to bed without being 100% sure.
Tuesday, Feb 16
We left the house about 6, took my valium and started drinking my water at 7 and got to the office at 7:15. They took us back right away and we immediately met with the embryologist. They said we had two embryos that were BBs and we were on the border of whether to transfer 1 or 2. That we should start thinking about it and our doctor would be in later to talk to us about it. As far as the other 5, there were 3 that they were still considering for freezing but they wouldn't know for sure until the next day. We discussed our concern about freezing 1 and she brought up a point that we honestly hadn't thought of before. SHe talked about how if we only froze one we could do another fresh cycle next time and then if there were only 1 or 2 left to freeze from that batch we could combine the two for a more successful transfer. So we started the discussion again. We were a little disappointed that the embryos were Bs instead of As and in our mind felt that that would probably bump us to 2. But when our doctor came in, he made such a good case for 1 (I had one child with little assistance, twins would be a lot harder for us when we already have one child, and we run the risk of splitting and having even more than 2). He reminded me that we had a better chance of this working becuase of JR. and that since I have decent insurance converage doing more cycles is a good option for us. So we transferred one of the little guys (we named him Fred). We paid the $850 to put the other BB on ice and they told us we would hear tomorrow about the other 3. I went home and was a very successful couch potato. Without Jr. around, I took advantage of being able to watch TV and watched a lot of 16 and pregnant. I figured maybe they could give me some pointers!!
Wednesday, Feb 17
I got the call from the lab during my acupuncture appointment that all 3 of the other embryos they were watching made it to freeze so now we have 4!!!
So now we wait...my beta is next Friday!!
The bad thing in all of this is that the story gets shorter each time so you are now getting the abbreviated version...
Tuesday, Feb 9
Had an ultrasound and there were 16 follicles over 12!! 8 of them were over 18. The US tech was positive that they would have me trigger that day pending anything crazy in my bloodwork. The bad part of the day was the very painful blood draw. I have very small veins and the blood draws are very difficult for me. Luckily, I handle it pretty well and don't even mind all the bruises too much. Well Tuesday, they tried a different spot since all my normal ones were pretty bruised from all the recent draws. It bubbled up and after getting about half the amount they needed, they had to pull out the needle. I ended up with a huge bruise that lasted a week. Then when they switched to my other wrist, I suddenly got light headed and came close to passing out. That has never happened to me!! yah to the end of daily blood draws!!
The nurse called me a few hours later and gave me the go ahead to trigger at 5:30 and we were to report for retrieval at 6 on Thursday morning.
Thursday, Feb 11
We were up at 4 and headed to get our eggs!! We had about 45 minutes of instructions, blood pressure, etc and then I was headed back. The last thing I remember is them checking my ID band and when I woke back up I was back in our recovery room. When we got our number I was pretty disappointed that we only got 8. I know that 8 is a pretty good number and that a lot of people would love that number but what concerned me was that we went from 16 good follicles to only 8 eggs. I went home and slept most of the rest of the day. I wasn't too sore and really only felt anything if I started to overdo it, pick up JR. etc.
Friday, Feb 12
I was all ready to spend the day fretting about the fertilization report so I was THRILLED when I got the call at 8:30. Of the 8 eggs, 7 were mature enough to fertilize and all 7 were showing signs of growth. YAH!!! I felt so much better about things. They said they would call on Saturday about if we would transfer on Sunday or Tuesday.
Saturday, Feb 13
Got the call around noon that we are a DAY 5 transfer :)
Monday, Feb, 15
We spent HOURS going back and forth between putting in 1 or 2 embryos and if we would be willing to freeze if there was only 1 embryo to freeze. We went through every possible scenario and what we thought we would do but went to bed without being 100% sure.
Tuesday, Feb 16
We left the house about 6, took my valium and started drinking my water at 7 and got to the office at 7:15. They took us back right away and we immediately met with the embryologist. They said we had two embryos that were BBs and we were on the border of whether to transfer 1 or 2. That we should start thinking about it and our doctor would be in later to talk to us about it. As far as the other 5, there were 3 that they were still considering for freezing but they wouldn't know for sure until the next day. We discussed our concern about freezing 1 and she brought up a point that we honestly hadn't thought of before. SHe talked about how if we only froze one we could do another fresh cycle next time and then if there were only 1 or 2 left to freeze from that batch we could combine the two for a more successful transfer. So we started the discussion again. We were a little disappointed that the embryos were Bs instead of As and in our mind felt that that would probably bump us to 2. But when our doctor came in, he made such a good case for 1 (I had one child with little assistance, twins would be a lot harder for us when we already have one child, and we run the risk of splitting and having even more than 2). He reminded me that we had a better chance of this working becuase of JR. and that since I have decent insurance converage doing more cycles is a good option for us. So we transferred one of the little guys (we named him Fred). We paid the $850 to put the other BB on ice and they told us we would hear tomorrow about the other 3. I went home and was a very successful couch potato. Without Jr. around, I took advantage of being able to watch TV and watched a lot of 16 and pregnant. I figured maybe they could give me some pointers!!
Wednesday, Feb 17
I got the call from the lab during my acupuncture appointment that all 3 of the other embryos they were watching made it to freeze so now we have 4!!!
So now we wait...my beta is next Friday!!
Monday, February 8, 2010
Follicle Update
Things are moving along on my ovaries...
As of this morning, I had 14 follicles over 12 and 2 over 18. My E2 levels were about 1900.
Everything so far is looking great. I have a nice number of follicles that are growing together for the most part, my Estrogen levels are rising appropriately, my ovaries aren't bothering me, so why do I keep feeling like something is going to go wrong?? I wish I was better at having a positive outlook.
The way things stand now we will be doing the retrieval on Thursday or Friday.
As of this morning, I had 14 follicles over 12 and 2 over 18. My E2 levels were about 1900.
Everything so far is looking great. I have a nice number of follicles that are growing together for the most part, my Estrogen levels are rising appropriately, my ovaries aren't bothering me, so why do I keep feeling like something is going to go wrong?? I wish I was better at having a positive outlook.
The way things stand now we will be doing the retrieval on Thursday or Friday.
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