I had a cocktail tonight...

...a drug cocktail...

Guiliana & Bill

Does anyone else watch this reality show? I started watching from the beginning last fall because I LOVE Bill Rancic from the Apprentice. So I thought I would watch..I thought it was a cute show but this season I am becoming addicted. While I don't wish infertility on anyone, I'm finding it refreshing to see someone actually embrace it and be willing to not only talk about it but show the world some of what is involved. For instance, last week's episode ended with her getting an HSG. I feel like the editing of the show does an HSG justice while still explaining it in simple terms for anyone who doesn't know the jargon or the procedures to understand. I just think that if there were more shows like this on TV, infertility would be so much better understood by the general public and there would be a more open forum to discuss it.

routine...

I never realized until today how much I love routine at my RE's office. The doctor I see is part of a large practice and there are 8 or 10 sites. The office I go to is one of the smaller ones so there is only one ultrasound tech and two nurses. Because of that, I know exactly what to expect when I go in...until today. This morning I went in for my ultrasound just to make sure everything was quiet and found out my US tech was on vacation. I'm sure the sub was perfectly competent but she was different. I'm used to carrying on a conversation when I'm getting undressed behind the curtain and this lady left the room. Then when I was all set to get into position the angle of the bed was different and I didn't fit right on it. Finally, when she was doing the ultrasound itself, my usual tech always tells me exactly what she is looking at and shows me. This lady just said, "looks great" and never showed me anything. I realize there wasn't much to see today but it did make me realize how much I appreciate that normally I don't have to worry about change and everything is the same...it makes everything easier. I did sneak a peak at the calendar hanging on the wall and was happy to see that today was the last day of my usual tech's vacation and she will be back for Tuesday's ultrasound...yippee!!!

This afternoon after they got my labs back I got the greenlight to drop my lupron down to 5 units tomorrow and start my bravelle and menopur. I have a girls night out tomorrow night so I hope the mixing and injection go well so I can enjoy my night out. I have a feeling it will be my last one for awhile.

IVF cycle #1 Day 17

ok, I know days don't really matter at this point but I don't have a creative bone in my body this afternoon...so you get the boring title.

Anyway, things are pretty quiet here. I finished the BCPs on Saturday and I've done 5 days of Lupron. Ultrasound and bloodwork on Friday and then we'll start stims. So I'm going to lie low and enjoy my last quiet week for awhile.

Clueless

When we were TTC the first time, we told my in-laws within the first few months. They wanted to plan a family vacation for a year into the future and we felt that we should tell them that we probably wouldn't be available for the trip. It turns out that we were not only available...we weren't even pregnant when that trip was supposed to take place. I really regretted spilling the beans for several reasons. 1) She made some very insensitive comments 2) I felt like she was ALWAYS trying to figure out if I was pregnant 3) and she can't keep a secret. After Jr. was born she kept making comments about how everything was perfect now that he was here. While things were great, infertility changed me. I finally blurted my feelings out one day and told her that despite having a wonderful son, the pain was still there and I didn't want to go back there and talk about it. She didn't bring up my infertility for 2 years. When we started trying the second time we didn't tell them. When we started treatment again, we really could have used the babysitting help but I just wasn't ready to go there. While still at my ob/gyn, Jr went with me and when we switched to the RE, I scheduled super early appointments before W went to work or had friends help me out. When we realized we were headed to IVF we realized we were going to have to break down and ask for help and "spill the beans."
I could go on for pages about "the talk" itself but it went ok. My MIL had lots of questions and I thought we had them answered. We tried to explain the IUIs but I know she really doesn't understand what that was about becuase she keeps making comments about W needed to "make his deposit" for the IVF. She doesn't understand that he has become quite the pro at that. I realized today, that she definitely has NO idea what is going on or has been going on. On my way to my saline ultrasound I dropped Jr. off at her house. She was asking me what the appointment was for and when I told her she asked if that was "internal." When I said "yes" she acted like this must be the worst thing in the world. How does she not understand that every ultrasound has been internal and every IUI (9 total since we did 2 most cycles) has not only been internal but involved a catherter?? I have tried talking, explaining, giving her books on the upccoming IVF but if she doesn't even understand that everying is "internal" I think this is a lost cause.
I normally wouldn't care if she understood or not, but since she insists on talking about it ALL the time now...I'd like it do at least be a productive conversation without insensitive remarks...am I asking too much??
Just wait until I write about my family...

Lupron and a Saline Ultrasound

It has been a busy couple of days on the infertility front. Tuesday, our big box of drugs showed up at our house and we were missing the Lupron that I was supposed to start on Wednesday. Luckily, the pharmacy has been great and we had the Lupron at ourhouse by 8:45 the next morning. I have done two shots now so far so good. The injection shot was a little itchy each time for about an hour after the shot but if that's the only problem, I can handle that. Also on Wednesday I started my antibiotic for my saline ultrasound that was this morning. I'm still not sure how I have made it through 4 years of infertility without having to do one but it was of course required for the IVF.
I wasn't quite sure what to expect. I'm a little weary of any procedure after I had such a bad reaction to my first HSG. My doctor is out this week so I had to go to a different clinic and see a different doctor. The doctor I saw was young, and my first thought was that I was glad she wasn't the one making decisions about my life. I then immediately felt awful for that. When I was teaching, especially my first few years, I hated when parents prejudged me for being young. I was putting in 12 hour days and I was just out of college with the latest ideas and research. I'm definitely not saying I was better than a seasoned teacher but I don't think I brought a new perspective to the table. Ok, done with that soapbox. The young, doctor did an awesome job with everything. I hardly felt anything and had very minimal cramping during the ultrasound. I did have some cramping afterwards but I was lucky enough to squuze in a nap this afternoon and felt fine afterwards. The great news is that everything looked great and we have passed the final hurdle.

Nurse Consult

This morning was our Nurse consult at IVF clinic. Although we are staying with the same practice, we had to go a little further from home for this consult (as well as the retrieval and transfer). Luckily all my monitoring will still be able to take place at the office 10 minutes from my house. But, I digress. We gave ourselves an hour and a half to get there since we would be going with rush hour traffic, got in the car, pulled out of our driveway and remembered that it was Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It took us 40 minutes to get there and we were 45 minutes early. Guess I could have slept for a little longer.

It looks like things are definitely a go for February. I start Lupron on Wednesday and sill start stims (Bravelle and Menopur) around the 30 or 31. Retrieval will probably fall between the 9th and 13th.

We were also able to meet with insurance. Everything there was as expected but it was great to be able to hear it from someone else instead of just what we had come up with on our own. W did have to spent about 3 hours on the phone with both the insurance company and the pharmacy when we got home but everything got worked out and we should get our meds tomorrow!! It's so hard to believe how fast this is happening.

New diet :(

Tonight I went back to the chiropractor. I hadn't been back since the night before my last IUI. He said if I wasn't pregnant he wanted to see me before I started any meds for the IVF. I wasn't able to make it in before I started the birth control but I figured a couple of days later wouldn't be a big deal.

Since I am techinically in my "rest" period right now, accupuncture in my "fertile" spots won't do any good. So he did my anxiety points and then some digestion points to help cleanse my body. He also wants my husband and I to modify our diet. Parts of it are easy...like staying away from white things and sticking to brown (pasta, rice, etc,). I am not looking foward to the part of the diet that cuts out dairy. I am a big milk drinker so that will be really hard. But I am willing to give anything a try, if it helps. Has anyone done a similar diet in preparation of IVF?

on our way...

I got my period on Saturday so I went in yesterday for my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. I go in Monday for protocol, dates and to sign all the paperwork. I also have to have a saline ultrasound on Wednesday since I have never had one before (I have no idea how I have made it this far without having to have one). I start BCPs tonight. When I talked to the nurse yesterday it sounds like we will made it in time for a February retrieval/transfer but we will find out for sure on Monday.

Moving on...

Pregnancy test was negative...IVF here we come...