Friday, April 30, 2010

Why I stayed quiet (NIAW)

First of all, sorry I haven't been around. Life is good right now (post about that coming soon) and I am enjoying having fertility (or lack there of) off my mind for a few months.

At the beginning of the week, I started a post about how I was going to handle National Infertility Awareness Week and what I might e-mail and/or post as my facebook status...I never finished it. As far as my "closet" status. When we were trying to get pregnant with Jr. we were very much in the closet. The only people who knew were out immediate families, our bosses and a couple very close friends. Once I got pregnant, I was very open about what it had taken us to conceive. Whenever I told someone I was pregnant, they got the whole story of what it took to get there. Fast forward to trying again. A couple of close friends knew from the beginning and over time more people have found out. Many people know (and several more assume) that we are again down that road...however only a very small amount of people know that we have moved on to IVF. Last year for National Infertility Awareness Week, I was super motivated to get the word out and see what the response would be on facebook and by e-mail. I sent an e-mail and posted on facebook a very generic infertility post and included some of my favorite infertility links. I got a few responses but nothing overwhelming. All year, I had thought about how I would handle the week this year...and it is Friday and I have done nothing. Do I think this week is important?? definitely...Do I think my life would be easier if everyone understood infertility better?? OH yes!! Then Why did I stay quiet??


Since moving on to IUIs and IVFs, I have had two critics. One from within my family and one close friend. These people both base their critisism on the beliefs of the Catholic Church. As a result, the family member has no idea about the IVF or the ectopic pregnancy (Catholic Church views use of Methotrexate to resolve an ectopic as an abortion). I made the mistake of telling my close friend about the ectopic (she knew about the IVF) and she basically told me that this was God punishing me for the IVF. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her since.

I am very at peace with our at peace that I know this is God's plan for us but I don't handle judgement and someone telling me that God doesn't want me to do this or that it is wrong. I respect people who choose that IVF is not for them but don't tell me it's not right for me.

And so I stayed quiet...

I realize i am perpetuating the problem by doing so and maybe I will work up the nerve to post something before the end of the week (I have 25 hours left).

We have this week for this very reason...and yet I am still scared of it.


  1. Honey...
    You cannot feel guilty (that's totally the Catholic guilt in you!:) ) for what others think. And, you can't feel guilty for feeling the way you do. This is a really personal experience and everyone goes through it differently. Do it all in your own time, but know you have support behind you no matter what!

  2. I am Catholic myself. My sister was very open to tell me that we were "playing God." She was totally against it. I know what you are going through. Its so hard when you dont have your family or closest friends there to help you. I always tell people that God created IVF to help us. And no matter what the procedure...God is still in control. The embryos dont have to fertilize...its all in Gods hands. Hang in there and know that I understand!

  3. Hi Beth so glad to see you are back. I know what you mean about not wanting to be subject to the judgement. Methotrexate to resolve an ectopic is in no way an abortion-ugh that is so awful you had to hear that. I just can't believe those comments she made to you!! I agree with the previous commenter-I don't think IVF is playing God either because there are no guarantees. IRL I am very guarded about discussing my infertility and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I get where you are coming from!!