Thursday, May 27, 2010

Why I'm good :)

So in my last post, I told you things were good and I was going to tell you why...three weeks later I am finally sitting down to do that!! Before I go on, I do want to warn some of you that this post is going to talk more about Jr than I normally do and if you just aren't in that place right now...stop reading.

It has been three months since my retrieval and transfer and a little over two months since my second dose of methotrexate. Since then, life here has been wonderful.

When I found out that we were going to have to take a 3 month TTC break I had 3 goals.
1) Focus on my family
2) Lose some weight
3) Be Happy

I feel like I have accomplished these three things and so much more.

Physically - I feel great. I have only lost 5 pounds but I look like I have lost about 15. I had to buy some new clothes and am getting lots of compliments about weight loss. I have my energy back. I can sleep again. It's amazing what happens when you take a few months off of hormone packed drugs. And sorry if this is TMI but my sex drive is back and life in the bedroom has been great. This one I credit to not only the lack of drugs but also for the first time in almost 2 years, sex got to be about fun and not making a baby.

Emotionally - I AM HAPPY!! I am now able to confirm that my anxiety attacks and stress were in large part because of the drugs and the stress of too many doctor appointments. This realization is so important to me becuase I know that I am going to be OK. I was getting so nervous about what long term effects this was all going to have on me but now I see when I pull myself out of the situation I am fine.

Family - We are happy!! For the first time in a long time, my husband and I are focusing 100% on the child we do have instead of losing some of that focus to the children we don't have. I know that the last several months were hard on my son whether he knew it or not and he definitely didn't understand it. But now he has a happy mommy and a calm mommy. The biggest revelation of all though has been that if I never have another child...I will be happy and my family will be happy. We don't need this to be happy. The past two months have proven that to us.

And now that you are all ready to throw up from reading about my happiness, let me just say that i know how fortunate I am and not everyone is in a place to have these feelings. I know that I have a wonderful little boy and I probably would not be as happy about my family if he weren't a part of it. Second, yes I took a break but I am going back to 4 great frozen embryos and the knowledge that although my last embryo may have implanted in the wrong place...I did get pregnant and the odds are with me. If I didn't have all this to go back to, this break would have been much harder.

So for now, I am going to enjoy my last couple of weeks of freedom. We just got back from almost two weeks in Florida and I have a fabulous weekend with a girlfriend planned then it is back to work...I promise you will be hearing from me more often now... It is time to get back in the "zone"...July FET here we come!!

1 comment:

  1. This is so fantastic. I am so happy to hear you are doing well. You are right about your boy-that is the thing about SIF. You get to have those happy moments with your child even when you're going through all this other crap. Guess what-in July we may end up being cycle buddies!! If I end up needing IVF I hope that is the case :)
    Take care