A week to remember

This week marked the due date of "Fred," our little embryo from IVF #1 who we lost to an ectopic. I have wondered for the last several months how I would feel as this day approached. I expected it to be hard. i expected to focus on what I had lost...but instead I found myself focusing on what I had. I will always wonder about what could have been, was it a boy or a girl? Would he/she have looked like Jr. But at the same time, if I was holding that baby in my arms today, I wouldn't have the baby growing inside me right now. This baby is the one I will feel kick inside of me. This baby is the one that is supposed to come home with us. This baby is the one that I am supposed to hold in my arms. This is the baby I will watch grow up.