Why I stayed quiet (NIAW)

First of all, sorry I haven't been around. Life is good right now (post about that coming soon) and I am enjoying having fertility (or lack there of) off my mind for a few months.

At the beginning of the week, I started a post about how I was going to handle National Infertility Awareness Week and what I might e-mail and/or post as my facebook status...I never finished it. As far as my "closet" status. When we were trying to get pregnant with Jr. we were very much in the closet. The only people who knew were out immediate families, our bosses and a couple very close friends. Once I got pregnant, I was very open about what it had taken us to conceive. Whenever I told someone I was pregnant, they got the whole story of what it took to get there. Fast forward to trying again. A couple of close friends knew from the beginning and over time more people have found out. Many people know (and several more assume) that we are again down that road...however only a very small amount of people know that we have moved on to IVF. Last year for National Infertility Awareness Week, I was super motivated to get the word out and see what the response would be on facebook and by e-mail. I sent an e-mail and posted on facebook a very generic infertility post and included some of my favorite infertility links. I got a few responses but nothing overwhelming. All year, I had thought about how I would handle the week this year...and it is Friday and I have done nothing. Do I think this week is important?? definitely...Do I think my life would be easier if everyone understood infertility better?? OH yes!! Then Why did I stay quiet??

Judgement.

Since moving on to IUIs and IVFs, I have had two critics. One from within my family and one close friend. These people both base their critisism on the beliefs of the Catholic Church. As a result, the family member has no idea about the IVF or the ectopic pregnancy (Catholic Church views use of Methotrexate to resolve an ectopic as an abortion). I made the mistake of telling my close friend about the ectopic (she knew about the IVF) and she basically told me that this was God punishing me for the IVF. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to her since.

I am very at peace with our decision...so at peace that I know this is God's plan for us but I don't handle judgement and someone telling me that God doesn't want me to do this or that it is wrong. I respect people who choose that IVF is not for them but don't tell me it's not right for me.

And so I stayed quiet...

I realize i am perpetuating the problem by doing so and maybe I will work up the nerve to post something before the end of the week (I have 25 hours left).

We have this week for this very reason...and yet I am still scared of it.

zero!!!

We finally made it!! I had my 12th beta yesterday and we are finally down to zero!! It has been a over a month since they told me this pregnancy wasn't viable and over three weeks since my first methotrexate shot to resolve the extopic but we finally made it...this is over!

We have to use protection until June 18 because the methotrexate can cause birth defects if I were to get pregnant on my own. Luckily since I am doing a frozen cycle next I can go ahead and start the birth control pills the beginning of June and still do a July transfer instead of having to wait until after June to start anything.

So for the next couple of months I will be hormone free and not be worrying about weather or not I'm pregnant...I'm actually really looking forward to it. We have a trip to Florida planned in May (to make up for our cancelled ski trip), a family wedding to attend and in a few days I am leaving for a weekend in Boston with some girlfriends. June is going to be here before I know it!!

I probably won't be posting as often over the next couple of months since I'm actually hoping to try to forget I'm infertile during this time but I promise I will still be reading all of your blogs and sending everyone positive thoughts!!

Time

I am less than two months away from my 2 year TTC anniversary. To a non-Iffer that may seem like a really long time but it really seems like it has gone quickly and I know I may have years ahead of me of trying. However a couple of days ago I realized how much can happen in those two years. A facebook friend just announced that she was 4 months pregnant with baby #2. My first thought was wow that was fast...baby #1 won't be one until June but then I realized just how much she has done since I started TTC

begining of June 08 - I start TTC
July 08 - friend gets married
June 09 - baby #1 born
April 10 - 4 months pregnant #2

In less than two years she has gotten married, gotten pregnant, had a baby and is now pregnant again...maybe two years is longer than I thought...

Beta #11...almost done

Well this is several days late but...down to a 5.5!! They told me that if I got my period in the next week then I didn't even have to come back for another test...but today is Monday and my appointment is tomorrow morning so I think I have to go back:(

I'm feeling great! My energy is back and this is the best I've felt in months!! As a result I know I'm behind on reading/commenting on all of your lives since I have been spending my time away from the computer. We had had awesome weather and all I want to do is get outside and be active!! We also hosted Easter over the weekend so that has kept me away from the computer as well but hopefully you will all be hearing from me soon!