My Story: Part 2

So, I got my BFP, I had a baby, I could kiss my infertility goodbye...right...wrong! I never would have guessed that this followed me into motherhood. When my son was born, I had a hard time making enough breastmilk for him. Turns out that if your body doesn't make the right hormones to get you pregnant, there is also a good chance that they don't know how to tell your body to make milk either..Fabulous!! When my son was 6 months old, W and I decided it was time to start trying again. The only reason we waited that long was becuase my brother was getting married in Dec 08 and I wanted to make sure I could go to the wedding. Despite the fact that I expected it to take awhile and figured that there was a good chance that I would need intervention again, I couldn't believe how crushed I was that first month when my dear Aunt Flo made an appearance.I decided to wait to go back to the doctor until I was up for my yearly appointment (end of Jan). When January rolled around, I put off scheduling the appointment becuase I was so scared to get on the wagon again. Even though we had been trying for 7 months by this point I knew it was a totally different game once I started intervention again.I made it back to the doctor in February and he said it was probably time to try the Clomid again. So we are not in the two week wait of our third 50mg clomid cycle. If it doesn't work, we will be spending the next couple of months doing more testing and deciding if we want to stay with my Doc or move on to an RE.

My Story: Part 1

I married my husband W (nope not the ex-President) in August 2002. We had just graduated from college and despite getting married at a young age, we weren't ready for kids. I always knew I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom and my husband was hoping for that as well so we wanted to work and save for a few years to make that possible.Three years later, a house, a Masters degree and a dog later, we decided it was time. In the fall of 2005, I met with my doctor, discussed with her that we wanted to start a family, got some initial bloodwork done and went home with a prescription for prenatal vitamins. Six months later, I called the doctor because I was having such irregular bleeding after going off the pill. my period was basically two weeks on and two weeks off. The nurse that I talked to said I should definitely come in and see what the problem was. When I went in for my appointment, I was treated like I shouldn't have come in to check out the problem. They said that they wouldn't do anything until I had been trying for one year. I tried to explain that regardless of getting pregnant, I really wanted to get my periods figured out - I was pretty sure this wasn't regular. They finally agreed to do a Thyroid test which turned out normal. So I was stuck in a holding period until I hit the one year mark. It was about this time that my periods started getting irregular - so I mentioned to my husband that maybe we should start charting, using OPKs etc. My husband's response..."It's not rocket science" - oh how little we knew then :)As we approached the one year mark, I was beginning to doubt going back to my doctor. I was still very bothered by the response I had gotten regarding the bleeding and just didn't feel comfortable there. So I made an appointment with a doctor that had come highly recommended from my SIL.I met with him for the first time in October 2006. I brought all my charts, etc. with me and despite what the OPKs and temp showed he felt I wasn't ovulating. Tests in Nov. seemed to support this theory and in Dec. 07 I started my first month of Clomid. Three months of Clomid later, my progesterone levels were up, my periods were regular but the bleeding hadn't stopped and I was now in therapy trying to deal with the idea that I may not be a mom. In March 07, I took a month off from the Clomid and had an HSG test. I didn't handle the test well at all and really began to consider whether or not this was the right path for us. That month my bleeding was even worse that normal and started earlier. I was POSTIVE that I wasn't pregnant. However, when my period was late and my temp was still elevated I took the test and low and behold it was positive. I was excited that I could get pregnany but really didn't even consider it a possibility that this pregnancy was going to last - you can't bleed this much and have a healthy pregnancy. My doctor confirmed low progesterone and put me on Crinone. One week later we had an ultrasound that showed a sac but was still too early for a heartbeat. On May 2, 2007, we had a second ultrasound and our little guy's heartbeat was beating away. We had made it to the other side...My son, was born in December 07. Throughout the pregnancy we began to assume that the reason that I had not been able to get pregnant was that my tubes had been blocked and the HSG had cleaned them out. Yes, the hormone imbalance may have contributed but now that everything was clear I wasn't going to have problems anymore (wishful thinking).

Why blog??

So my first post... Before I get into the details of "my issues" I thought I would address why I am here on blogger. As soon as I saw a little heartbeat on the ultrasound screen two years ago, I kissed infertility good-bye....I was going to be a mom!! But here I am back again...approaching the one year anniversary of baby number 2 and having a really hard time remembering specifics about last time. Luckily for fertility friend I still have all my charts, etc. to show the physical aspect of the journey, but what about the emotional journey? I am so sad that I can't remember the specifics about my thoughts and feelings from last time. I know I was sad, angry, jealous, etc. but I don't remember specifics - this time I want to remember...becuase it has made me who I am today.I really want this blog to be an honest account of what I am going through which is why I choose to keep it anonymous. With the exception of my husband, I am not honest with anyone about my feelings. Instead I give them the answer they want to hear, "yes, I am fine" "yes, I am soooo excited that you told me you were pregnant (when you weren't even trying)."So this is my story...